need another drink. this is the easiest way
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
