FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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