Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
