I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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