Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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