What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize