i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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