last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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