cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
