I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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