Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
