so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
