I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
