my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
