You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize