I wish I only lived at night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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