turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
