why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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