Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So many bounce houses so little time
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
