he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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