I seem to have left my pride at pride
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
