Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
