We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
