Already got asked if we're dating
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
