made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Everyone says I win the strip club
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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