if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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