i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
