I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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