just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
