some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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