And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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