I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
