Will you blow on my dice?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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