he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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