His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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