ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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