I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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