She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
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im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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