I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
