ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
