She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
