You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
