The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's the barista slut.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
