i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
