You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
