Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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