Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
