So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
