I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
