Your tits are I can't wait for
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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