My sheets look like a crime scene.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
