You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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