I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
