drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
