No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
