You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
