I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
