She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
