Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
