I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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