did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
