if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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