I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
