Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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