I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
