I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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