Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize