So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
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So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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